Let me ask you, dear readers, a simple question…
If I, a dog, am truly man’s best friend, why does my “best friend” assign me movies to review that make me want to dash onto a crowded interstate highway? If only I were so lucky. That would be but a moment of pain, then blissful release into the hereafter, instead of sitting through the 90 minutes of shrill torture that is J-Lo’s latest film, The Back-Up Plan.
Now before you get all over me for hatin’ on Lopez, don’t. I have a deep appreciation for the talented package that is J-Lo. She can sing, she can dance, her ass is legendary, and as she proved in the severely underrated Out of Sight, J-Lo can act. Why she chooses to play disposable roles in forgettable movies is beyond me. She clearly has the goods, but none of that beautiful proof is on display here.
No, what should be a romantic comedy instead becomes a series of contrived relationship interruptions on its way to being a movie about pregnancy, and one that isn’t nearly as funny as Knocked Up. Yes, Alex O’Loughlin is a dreamy lead as J-Lo’s love interest. Yes there are the carefully-plotted and completely ludicrous rom-com moments. But the “will they or won’t they” love story just doesn’t have any life in it. They’re beautiful people being pretty together, but there’s just no soul to it.
What’s the worst thing about The Back-Up Plan? The lack of risk. The entire film feels as if it was spit out of some super-computer designed to create bankable romantic-comedy formula. And if that’s how J-Lo wants to spend what could be the best, most productive years of her acting life, that’s her business. But make no mistake, this is quite simply a Hollywood money grab.
If only we could have Karen Cisco back.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to lay on my back and make my “best friend” rub my belly.
